Sunday, January 2, 2011


The time that a family has when one of the spouses is a physician is limited. That's no surprise. Dr. D already finished training and has been practicing for one year, all the hope I had that once he finished training we would have more time and it would all be easier have been crushed. I have come to the conclusion that having those expectations are the real problem. Ever since our journey began I have been hoping and thinking that next rotation, next year, end of training etc things would get better. I wont take all the blame in thinking this, Dr. D would tell me those things and I would believe him. Its not his fault either, he didn't purposely trick me, he thought it would be like that too. However the reality of it is that it never truly gets better. Doctors have peoples lives on their hands its not like they can clock out at 5pm rain or shine, if a patient is crashing forget dinner plans, no one is coming home, but can you really blame them?
I know that if I was in the hospital or anyone in my family was I want to be able to count on the Doctors. I was actually in the situation of being in the hospital 2 years ago with my daughter and even though I haven't improved my nagging to my hubby about him not being home enough (which by the way it should have and as a new year resolution I plan on trying my best to stop) it did open my eyes to how doctors have all this pressure at the hospital and all I could hope and pray was that the doctors taking care of my baby didn't have a crazy wife at home complaining and stressing them out. I wanted and needed the doctor to be 100% focused on my daughter.
I think that if anyone who is married to a physician stops for a second before making a fuss over the time and hours the doctors spends away and puts themselves in the patients shoes, we would all be happier (patients, doctors and spouses).
That's not to say at all and by no means that I do this now, it means that I'm going to try to do it in 2011 and by writing about it is a way to hold myself accountable for it. It will still bug me and I will still blog about being annoyed but I will understand.


  1. So true. As time passes I'm more and more accepting of this fact. Well, and I still need to be, my husband, OccDoc, is deployed, so patients really do come first. But when he gets back we're taking on hell of a vacation with no patients! I'm not that accepting!

  2. Thanks for posting this reality check. I remember making a comment on the Drs Wives site similar to your post and one wife made a really defensive comment back about how things WILL be different because her husband will be an attending and she had this unrealistic fantasy that being out of residency would mean so many changes to her life with her doc husband. I know it all depends on the specialty our husbands choose, but more likely than not our life now will be our life then and we just have to accept it and be grateful for the time we and our kids DO get with our husbands rather than wishing for better and getting disappointed later. As hard as it is...

  3. As a wife to a PGY-1 ER doc, I'm just hoping that we avoid the burn out that is so common to the ER. Already the shift work is taking a toll on him and we don't have kids yet. I'm thinking we'll wait until after residency to tackle that. While I know his schedule will be a little more in his control after residency, I've accepted that the flip flopping schedule is here to stay and I will be the one responsible for running the day to day life of our family.

    Great post!

  4. I'm a wife to a 4th year medical student and I'm becoming increasingly aware that we have it as easy as it's going to get. It is a very humbling thought. Thanks for this post -- in it's sincerity, it's miles ahead of my latest materialistic rant on my new blog, haha.

    I'm not sure how I would handle the uncertain future if it weren't for my own goals. Then again, I do worry about the prospect of having kids with a busy-schedule-away-from-home x 2.

    You are not complaining...because gee, it's totally okay to want to spend time with your husband!

  5. It is such a struggle. I think you're right that it's important not to put too much pressure on your husband while he's at work - he can't help that. What's also hard is trying to be patient when the doctor comes home and needs (justifiable) time to himself.

    My husband is on elective now and I am trying to soak up all this time with him to save for when he's stuck at the hospital all hours!

  6. Thank you so much for sharing this insight! My husband is working on his MD/PhD with a Neurosurgery residency ahead. In my head I always say "Egh.. it is only 7 years of craziness, we can do it!" but this post really gave me some food for thought. I really appreciate getting a bit of a look to how things will be in the future...

  7. I enjoyed this post because I can totally relate! I am also married to a Dr, and I am an American living in the UK (husband is English) and it's the same over here.

    Glad I found your blog. Im a new follower and I shall look forward to stopping by again.